what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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