He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You ruined the universe
Randomize
