Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
