Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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