She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
