standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
