just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
