Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
