I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
