Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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