Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
