I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
