There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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