My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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