You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
