the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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