I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
