I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
