Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
