kristin has been a bad kristin
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
