i permit you to call me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
