she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
