I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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