were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
