2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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