i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
