I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
