Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
