I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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