The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
high people should be assigned attendants
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
