Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need water and some morals
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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