I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
