Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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