I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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