literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
