...so i touched it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
