not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
