and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
