Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
