Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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