then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
