I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
