my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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