I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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