Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
