i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm passing your future prison.
she peed on how many people?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
