Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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