my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
