tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
