I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
