This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
