Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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