you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
