whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
