i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
