Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
