I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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